i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
