God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
