Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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