Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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