You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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