I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
