he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
