We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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