i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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