in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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