Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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