you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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