you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
