College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
