I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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