We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
