suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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