Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize