It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Terrible idea I love it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
