I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
are you so shy because you have an std?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
