i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
