The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My liver just broke up with me...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
