'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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