dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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