please come you make the beer taste better
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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