you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love you. Go after that dick
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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