i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
