dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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