I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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