Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
