New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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