the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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