Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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