Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize