Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
