Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
