I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
