dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize