so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
