somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize