How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
