i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize