I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
