I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
