I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
