Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize