No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
