I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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