I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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