Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
